So I have to admit that I have been down in the dumps today. I woke up not really motivated to do much of anything. I felt sick, and I just wanted to avoid everything I had to do at all costs. I did not want to go to curves, or try and attempt to work. I just wanted to sleep, and sleep…oh yeah–and sleep.

But at that moment I made a decision: I am not going to do that today. I always seem to run from my problems, or things that I don’t want to do. But not this time, not anymore. So instead jumping back into bed, I put my sneakers on and headed to the gym. And it felt good. Not even just because it was a good work out. No, it was more than that. It was me concsiously making the decision to not sit back a let life pass me by. It was the decision to stop the excuses, and just do it.

Growing up with two disabled parents has been hard. I feel very bad for them, and I know that they would work and have normal lives if they could. But it has also made me realize that I have to make the most of every second that I have, because there are people out there that really cannot do it. And what? I am letting the tiniest bit of fatigue get me down? A small headache, a tinsy upset in my stomach? No way. Not any more. I need to get my priorities straight so that I can make this the best life possible. Because there are people out there going through life every day with more than my tiny little problems. And that is the truth.

What is hard for a lot of people in my life right now to understand is that I am growing up. That I am learning that I need to get these things done in order to succeed. I had to turn two friends down today because I had homework to do, and not to mention by the end of the day–I was truly beat! But it was one of the most satisfying days of my life, because I knew I pushed myself to do what needed to be done. I even got all of my homework done for my tutoring class already–I usually do not have it done until the very last second before I have to leave for RI. Today was a very productive day.

But where to friends really fit in on this list? It has really become a balancing act for me. I really want to visit with them and do something fun, but at the same time I am trying to get my life in order. And that is a big step for me. I am used to avoiding the responsibility, but lately I have been taking it all on. I am done with  being afraid of life. Of letting people tell me what my priorities should be, and what should be right for me. I need to figure that out for myself, and I think I am doing a pretty good job if I do say so myself.

Another thing I have decided to do is to put high school in the past, for good. Now, for a lot of people that means throwing it away, I think. But I am talking about forgivenss. About letting high school stuff be high school stuff, and that is that. I have let all of that “he said/she said” stuff get in the way of just realizing that people are people, and you never really know what is going on unless you are walking in their shoes. I am also not saying that I am going to go search down all my high school friends and say “Hey, let’s be bestest friends again forever and ever, like totally!” No, what I am saying is that I am just wiping the slate clean. Because to be completely honest, I don’t even know what was true anymore. She said this about you, and this about him, and this about me. So, they suck. Nope, not buying it. We have all made our mistakes anyways. So I am done with whatever anyone has said about anyone. I am making my own judgements, and choosing not to judge. (If that makes even close to any sense.)

But that is just more of a balancing act, because it brings all the drama right back up. Like vomit, and it is nasty. “You are going to talk to her?! ” Yes, I think I will if I want to. Okay, thanks, bye. I am not afraid anymore, because I think it is that fear that gets me so hurt in the first place. I am pretty sure if I don’t hear it from their lips, I am not going to believe it anymore. Maybe they did say it, but I will have to find that out the hard way, I guess.

Anyways, I feel that I have kind of drifted more and more off topic. I didn’t really mean for this entry to be about half of the things it was. But that is what I have been experiencing during all of this “growing up” process. My mind is transforming and making me think things I never thought I would. And one decision leads to another and another. And I think I like who I see, this person who is starting to handle this strange balancing act better every day. To, although still care about people, I am not afraid of what they think. I am me, and that is that. Hooray.

Well, if you followed this entry, good for you. Haha. It was a strange one, and I think that the picture I took of me with a puppy dog face is just random now. It was going to be about how I was sad I haven’t been handling things too well, but through this entry I think i just learned that for me, I am handling it just fine. Wow, this was a very profound entry indeed.

Well, until my next blog—Happy Blogging! =D